Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
