I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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