Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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