Kiss
Puke
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
