just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
