Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
