he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
