Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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