You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
