no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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