For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
