sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
