I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
