I feel like I'm in dance class right now
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
