He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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