I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
