Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
