Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I looked at my own cervix.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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