I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
