The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
