I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
