watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
