Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
