He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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