i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
