I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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