I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
