we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
