Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
