when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
