R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Never joke about your clitoris.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
