I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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