I don't think brook has ever known best
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
