I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
