my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
