the new term for farting is butt boxing.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
