I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
