Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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