Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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