btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
