dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
