I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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