sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
