You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
