so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
