He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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