i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
