What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
