I accidentally had phone sex last night
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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