u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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