is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
